An Imaginary Meeting With Jesus
Close your eyes and try to imagine this scene: The disciples of Jesus Christ were sitting at His feet in the quiet and stillness of the evening. The labors of the day were finished. Multitudes had been fed, miracles had been wrought and a great many people had been healed. Perhaps Jesus had walked on the water that very day! They had seen Him still a tempest with the power of His words. They believed in Him and they loved Him, but they still had questions. One of the disciples raised a hand and said, “Lord, could you kind of explain to us about You and God? I don’t mean to sound stupid but how does it all fit together? You’re the Son of God, and the Father is God and then you talk about the Spirit too?”
Is God Like a Triangle?
With great love and patience, Jesus looked upon His disciples and when He knew they were ready to hear Him He said, “You must open your eyes and see that God is like a triangle!” His disciples were dumbfounded! They had never seen anything remotely like that idea in the 
Hebrew scriptures! Jesus’ explanation left them totally baffled. They were more bewildered than ever. The obvious question no one dared to ask was “What in the world does a triangle have to do with God?” It sure didn’t sound Biblical to their ears. Sensing their confusion, Jesus decided to try again. “Look men, there are three points connected by three sides and a nice big pyramid shape in the middle! Don’t you get it? It is just one triangle and that is God!” His disciples looked dazed but things were about to get worse.
Is God Like an Egg?
Jesus sensed their failure to understand Him so He raised His voice and said, “God is like an egg I tell you! That’s how it is with me and God! Every egg has a shell and yolk and some egg white but it’s just one egg. All you have to do is think of eggs and the Mystery of God will make perfect sense to you.” Well, that really jumbled things up in the minds of His disciples! They started mumbling, “What does that have to do with God? Triangles and now eggs? These examples sure don’t glorify God and Moses in the Law never said anything remotely like this to Israel! These parables don’t make anything clear! None of this makes sense to us Lord!”
Is God Like Water, Ice, and Steam?
Then all the disciples with one voice began to say unto Him, “Lord, we don’t understand what you are trying to say!” It had already been a long day but Jesus decided to try one more time. He wanted to elevate their thinking to heavenly things so He patiently said, “Let’s see if you can get this one! God is like a cup of water and an ice cube and steam that rises from a boiling pot!” That didn’t seem to help much either so Jesus gave up and decided to never teach them parables about the Trinity again… or ever.
The Apostles Were Really Primitive
Jesus finished His teachings by saying, “How is it that you are so blind? In 300 years some really smart philosophers will create doctrines you’ve never dreamed of! These are the parables they will eventually teach! You are just too primitive to get it.” The disciples’ heads were spinning! They had never heard anything like this before which was little wonder. All they knew was sacred scripture, and they knew Jesus. This is why they later became known as primitive Christians. (Believers didn’t even begin to get sophisticated or modern until the Councils of Nicea and Chalcedon.)
Unbiblical Ideas Call for Unbiblical Parables!
Tertullian continued, One thing we have learned is that the teachings of scripture do not result in the parables we need! Logic demands that Christians create extra-biblical parables to explain our extra-biblical creeds! The dogmas we believe and illustrations we use to explain them may not be Biblical but they are very convincing! Most Christians believe in our creeds and recite them faithfully whenever they meet for worship! Ask them about the mystery of God and they will solemnly recite the parables we have invented. They will proclaim our parables of triangles and eggs and cups of water with a straight face! I think God must be very proud of us and of what we have accomplished!
Parables About the Trinity… Endless Possibilities!
In closing, I hope my short time with you has been helpful. Perhaps someday someone somewhere will expand the limits of our understanding even further and create new parables that are even more stunning than what we have now. There may come a time when Christians everywhere will embrace the parable of an egg frozen in a block of ice shaped like a triangle! The possibilities are endless! We can only imagine. In the meantime I thank you for your attention and the brotherly love you have extended to me! May God bless you richly.
Audience: Rising to their feet to cheer! With one voice they began singing the Song of Parables!
A Song of Parables
All God’s points are numbered three, We love triangularity!
How blessed is our theology!
Bless God of shell and yolk and white, Bless every holy egg in sight!
So blessed is our theology!
Bless our frozen liquid One, who turns to steam when we are done!
Oh bless our lovely Trinity, and all our fine theology!
PS: Oh my goodness! Did we actually say these things out loud and in print? You bet we did and think it’s long overdue! Now you can say them with us and your friends could too if you would only invite them to the Reunion. Why not do just that by sharing a link to theologyallstars.com on your own social media page? Many thanks and God Bless.
Copyright 2021 by Bob Shutes
Iehouah, not BlahBleh. There I said it.