It’s Greek to Me – Part I

Jesus Didn’t Use Theological Terms

Author’s Note: Theologians love big words… the bigger the better, and words most people have never heard of are best of all! Latin and Greek terms especially have a certain flair. These really showcase the religious expert’s sophistication and intelligence! This is why it is so frowned upon in theological circles to say things plainly in everyday language. One notable exception to this practice was Jesus Christ Himself! Many commentators have observed that Jesus rarely, if ever, used scholarly theological language. Strangely though, the reason for this is unclear.

Athanasius’ Favorite Word Was Homoousious

Moderator: Greetings everyone! Today’s Panel Discussion is dedicated to the always popular topic of theological terms. Our expert panel members have scaled the frosty mountains of systematic theology and the pinnacles of scholarly thought. Our format is straightforward and simple although our subject matter is anything but. Each speaker will expound on a favorite theological term until they have nothing left to say. Just kidding folks! These experts never run out of things to say! We’ll probably have to muzzle them if we want to get to dinner on time.

The Audience: Polite laughter.

Moderator: Our first presenter this afternoon is none other than philosopher and theologian par excellence Athanasius himself. We proudly hang our hats on the ideas and terms He has bestowed upon the church. The topic he has chosen for today is the ever popular and timeless word homoousious! Let’s hear it for our favorite Ath! Athanasius!

The Audience: A respectful standing ovation.

Homoousious is a Vital Part of Your Salvation!

Athanasius: Thank you my friends, thank you. Please be seated if you can. Let’s dig right in to our topic and what a topic it is! Today we will talk about the most important word in Christianity. I’m talking of course about Homoousious. It was an essential part of building the trinity and It’s astonishing that the primitive church survived so many centuries without it! How sad that so few people know what it means today much less how to spell it. It would be wonderful if people just knew how to say it correctly! We are fortunate to have a word so precise, so scholarly and so lovely as homoousious. I am living proof that it is possible to build an entire career on this one single word!

We Built Our Creeds Upon Homoousious!

There was a time when homoousious was just another run of the mill Greek word. That all changed at the Nicene Council when I made it the most important word in Christianity! It is not an exaggeration to say that the Nicene Creed is truly a Homoousian Creed. I blush to mention that many people call it the Athanasian Creed but modesty prevents me from drawing any attention to that! By the way, signed copies of my writings are available at the table in the back of the room if you are interested.

Some of you may be wondering how homoousious got to be so important. The truth is it was just another nondescript Greek word until I figured out how to use it against heretics. You all know how much I enjoy a good argument! Homoousious was a word made to order for someone like me! I don’t mean to brag but I’ve argued with so many people about so many things that I eventually became known as “Athanasius Contra Mundum”. (That’s Latin for “Athanasius Against the World”).

Bend a Knee to Homoousious… or Else!

Heretics have been excommunicated and banished for their willful refusal to bend a knee to homoousious. We’ve had to kill more than a few believers who refused to endorse it, and rightly so! I stand here today to declare that I am a homoousian and trust you are homoousians too. There can be no doubt that God wants everyone to be a homoousian! We stand guard on the high ramparts of the Kingdom of God against stubborn contrarians like homoiosians. They are simply heretics, blighted souls who refuse to applaud the doctrinal statement we worked so hard to build! The true beauty of our Creed is the way it cleverly detects and roots out homoiosians!

Homoousious or Homoiosious. What’s the Fuss?

A Question from the Audience: “Will you please explain the difference between homoousious and homoiosious? I’ve always wondered what all the fuss is about and how one little letter ended up getting so many people killed.”

Athanasius: What a great question! Just remember that homoousious means that Jesus is of the very same substance as God while homoiosious says that Jesus’ and God’s substance are pretty similar but not exactly the same. This was so important to us that we had no choice but to excommunicate or execute everyone who was thinking the wrong way. Thank God that Constantine’s army stepped in to enforce our view with military power! Once we had his army on our side things started working out pretty well! Our opponents eventually learned to keep their opinions to themselves once the Emperor’s army started stamping them out for us!

A Still Small Voice was heard saying “you make a man an offender for a word?” but the meaning of this obscure phrase was debatable. No one was quite sure what to make of this mysterious statement or where the voice came from.

Saved by Faith in Christ Plus Belief in Homoousious!

Athanasius: Things didn’t turn out so well for Arius and his followers though but that’s the price you pay for being disagreeable! It was only the single letter i separating homoousious from homoiosious that caused them so much trouble! They were just too primitive and stubborn to give it up. In closing let me remind you that choosing correctly between homoousious and homoiosious can mean the difference between heaven and hell! No kidding! I really mean it! It is good to believe in Jesus but don’t ever forget that faith in Christ plus allegiance to homoousious is the standard we have set for your salvation. Thank you!

PS: These seemingly obscure ideas are important to talk about! That’s why we do. If you think this discussion matters then why not share a link to theologyallstars.com with others. Thanks and God Bless.

Continued…Click to Read Part II

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Faith Without Creeds – Part I

Saved by Faith… Plus the Nicene Creed!

The Reunion Committee knew the right person to give the keynote address just had to be the great theologian Athanasius! His powerful intellect, keen grasp of subtle philosophical issues and his forceful oratory made him the perfect choice. His epic speech “Faith Without Creeds is Dead” may be the most magnificent defense of the Nicene Creed you’ll ever read. His insights and passion truly captured the spirit of Nicea!

The Master of Ceremony’s Introduction of Athanasius was pretty dull and is omitted from this account. The transcript of Athanasius’ glorious speech is presented here in its entirety.

Arius Was a Heretic!

Athanasius: Greetings and blessings to all! Except of course to Arius and his band of heretics who slithered in here somehow and are sitting with us today. How did he get in here anyway? The Reunion committee must have lost its collective mind to let him in! I see his name is even on the program somewhere! I thought we had banned him from everything we could think of! Well no matter, we’ll deal with him again later. Some of you may recall how, after our first council, we burned his books and made it a crime punishable by death to even have a copy of his writings. It makes me a little nostalgic just to think of it. Those were the days!

What About Emperor Constantine?

You may be wondering, where is Emperor Constantine? The Reunion organizers have asked me to inform you that he is doing well. The unfortunate misunderstanding that got him arrested when he tried to check in has been cleared up! He may have lost his bearings for awhile but he’s doing much better now that he’s on medications. We all know it was his will that brought us together in Nicea and it was his power that established our teachings! Thank God for the Emperor! Let us pray for his speedy recovery!

Thank God for the Nicene Council!

It is so remarkable that we are all together again in Caesar’s Palace! Today we want to remember and give thanks for all the wonderful things we said and did in Nicea! Yes, I know there may be critics who whine that all we did was revel in our own intellectualism and sophistication. Well they are simply wrong! They were wrong then and they are still wrong today! You can be sure they will be wrong forever as long as I have anything to say about it! Besides, what’s so wrong with being intellectual and sophisticated anyway?

AUDIENCE: Thunderous applause!

The Nicene Council Preserved the Kingdom of God!

Never forget that it was our work in Nicea that preserved the very kingdom of God from destruction! The wicked heretic and so-called Christian, Arius got what he deserved when we threw him out on his ear! We are forever grateful to Emperor Constantine who paid all our expenses and fed us sumptuously at his table. We should never lose sight of his kindness to the church when he told Roman citizens to quit killing us! It was Constantine, our beloved patron and Emperor, who took our side in the Nicean debate! He pledged the power and might of Rome to our cause, and brethren, that’s as good as it gets!

AUDIENCE: Deafening applause.

The Church Fathers Wrote a Beautiful Creed!

You may be wondering exactly what it was that we did in Nicea to preserve God’s kingdom. What did we accomplish that changed the very course of history? What was our crowning achievement you ask! We wrote a creed and crafted words that could show who is a true believer and who is not! Our words are wonderfully filled with gravity and mystery! (I wrote a lot of it myself by the way) Simply reciting them in public can establish whether you are in or out of God’s Kingdom!

Salvation Depends on the Nicene Creed!

The words we wrote are so important that we decided to establish their authority by majority vote! Our creed must never be disputed even if dimwits like Arius refuse to acknowledge it! We created the undisputed gold standard of faith for untold millions of believers! The Nicene Creed has been the only acceptable way for Christians to think for well over 1500 years now! Thankfully, we have even convinced people that unless they accept our theological formulation they cannot be saved!

AUDIENCE: Enthusiastic shouting and foot stomping.

Many Christians Refused to Believe in the Trinity!

Thank you. Thank you! Most of you remember the situation we faced. There was trouble in the church! There were churches all over the empire and beyond that didn’t agree with each other! To their great shame there were even some people who stubbornly disagreed with me. Far too many of them refused to accept my views about the threefold nature of God.

AUDIENCE: Booing and hissing.

Those Damnable Heretics Rejected Our Creed!

Athanasius: Damnable heretics like Arius and his followers refused to recognize the brilliance of our creation. They would not believe in Jesus the right way, our way! Some did not like the idea of God being three “persons” but one substance! They rattled on about how it is wrong to claim God is a substance or essence in the first place. Well, that was our idea and we like it a lot and so does the Emperor! That pretty much settles it once and for all wouldn’t you say? But Arius and the thickheaded imbeciles who were his companions just wouldn’t go along with us. It didn’t matter though because our ideas became the official dogma of the Roman Empire!

AUDIENCE: Right on Athanasius! God is One! God is Three! Let’s hear it for the Trinity!

The Church Needed Some Platonic Philosophy!

Arius and his accomplices accused us of building our doctrine on a foundation of Platonic philosophy. Well La Ti Da! We told them, “If you don’t like it we’ll excommunicate you! Then to protect the Gospel from people who disagree with us we condemned and banished them! Just for good measure we made it a crime punishable by death to even have a copy of Arius’ writings! How’s that for taking a firm stand for the truth brethren!

AUDIENCE: Bravo! Bravo! Well done!

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Continued… Click for Part II

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Parables Jesus Forgot – Part I

A Message from Tertullian

No one quite knew what to expect when Tertullian’s name appeared on the program. Most Ancient Theological All-Stars are known as “Church Fathers” but Tertullian was more like an eccentric “Church Uncle”. Some of his views were at odds with mainstream opinions and were suppressed and ignored in later years due to official disapproval. By and large most people just shrugged their shoulders and said, “Well that’s old Tertullian for you!”

Tertullian Was a Great Satirist!

Tertullian was a delightful satirist too! Theologians are not known for having much of a sense of humor since they take most things, including themselves, very seriously. Tertullian, on the other hand, seems to have been cut from different cloth! It was rumored he was secretly pleased that his most ardent fans liked to call him Uncle Turtle. When the topic of his speech was announced there was little doubt that it would be fascinating and entertaining and he did not disappoint!

Tertullian Said the Son Was Not Co-Equal!

Moderator: Our speaker today is fondly called Uncle Turtle by many and is a true theological giant. He may have fallen out of favor with some Church Fathers but his keen observations earned him a place in church history and in our hearts. However, his insistence the Son was not co-equal with the Father really aggravated some of his peers! This may have hurt his book sales but Old Turtle just kept plodding along and saying what he thought anyway. You gotta love a guy like that! So with no further ado I give you our non-conformist and always interesting Uncle Turtle!

Audience: Warm applause and shouts of “We love you Uncle Turtle!”

Tertullian: Thank you everyone! Thank you so much for such a warm welcome! I know it can be hard to feel kindly toward someone who doesn’t share all your opinions so this heartfelt reception means a lot to me! What an honor and a privilege it is to be here at this reunion! We all know this is never going to happen again so let’s just make the most of it! Isn’t this the most incredible palace ever? The buffet is out of this world and those casino games really grab your attention! All the pretty young ladies almost make it hard to think about spiritual things so please try to concentrate! On a more serious note I’ve heard about the Emperor’s troubles and wish him a speedy recovery.

Jesus Failed to Teach Us Anything About the Trinity!

Tertullian: Today I want to share a few thoughts with you about the greatest Teacher of Parables the world has ever known. It is a miracle that Jesus managed to convey such profound spiritual truths without using the big words we theologians love so much! We stand in awe at the depth and beauty and power of His words. Sadly, and as you well know, His parables are also woefully incomplete! Somehow or another He failed to address the critically important issues that matter to theologians when we are busily writing our creeds! We must face facts and admit that Jesus neglected to teach us anything about the Trinity! He even forgot to command us to write a creed!

Audience: Shocked silence. No one knew what to say to such bold speech.

Jesus Did Not Give Us the Parables We Need!

Tertullian: Yes, it is shocking to say out loud that the Son of God failed to give us the teachings and parables we need! He did not provide us with any support for our systematic theology! You know it’s true! He claimed to have told us “all things” but can we find even one single solitary parable about the Triune God? Where in Jesus’ teachings is there any attempt at all to explain the Holy Trinity? Where is it I ask? The answer is distressing… it is not there!

Jesus Failed to Teach Any Parables About the Trinity!

What an incredible oversight! You all know there is nothing more important in our theology than the doctrine of Three Persons in One God! How can it be that Jesus completely failed to give us a single parable about the Triune God? It looks like the greatest Teacher the world has ever known really dropped the ball on this one brethren, and that is why we had to come up with our own parables. (continued in Part II)

PS: We’re glad you’ve taken the time to read about Tertullian and his thoughts on the Parables Jesus Forgot to Teach. We’re not done yet so please come back for more on our next post!

PPS: If you are enjoying this website and maybe even seeing church history more clearly, then why not share theologyallstars.com with a friend? Thanks and God Bless.

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