A Day on the Golf Course
The last session of the All Stars Reunion, A Road Less Traveled, caused quite a stir! The uninvited intruder that showed up left many of the attendees feeling rattled. Others thought a social break was in order anyway and that right now would be a good time for it. The Reunion Committee decided some good old-fashioned rest and relaxation was definitely in order! When someone suggested a golf outing the idea was received with enthusiasm by one and all. Emperor Constantine had just completed his mental health hold and he clearly needed some fresh air and fun. A day on the golf course was just what the doctor ordered!
Author’s Note: Golfers know full well that playing the game is almost as maddening as trying to understand the trinity! Now at long last, all is made clear. Understanding golf will definitely help you understand the trinity! The author hopes to bring clarity and peace to golfers everywhere and put an end to the epidemic of profanity heard on our golf courses today.
High Hopes and Good Intentions
It’s hard to imagine what it must be like for an emperor to play golf for the first time, but we shall try! The day began with high hopes and good intentions. The “church fathers” had never even heard of golf but thought it sounded like fun. Everyone agreed it would be a wonderful way to relieve some tension and create good will. Little did they know! The whole group felt energized and exhilarated as the day began. The idea of golf was exciting but the reality of golf was something altogether different! (Readers who have played the game will know exactly what I mean.)
Theologians Competed for Preeminence
Tensions began to rise when the church fathers tried to decide who would drive the golf carts. Many refused to ride with anyone whose opinions were other than their own. The Romans felt they should be first in everything. The Alexandrians were convinced they knew more than anyone and that they alone should drive. The Antiochians argued for the beauty and history of their fair city. The team from Jerusalem just KNEW that no one was more qualified to lead and Constantinople insisted on preeminence too. Our esteemed theologians competed for preeminence even though none of them knew a thing about golf!
Emperor Constantine Made the Rules
In spite of his golfing ignorance Constantine was to be the final arbiter in all disputes, just like at Nicea. His decisions were final, authoritative and binding on all golfers. This was most apparent when he tallied scores after each hole. No matter how many strokes a player might claim, Constantine had the final say. This was especially true of his own scores. No one dared challenge the accuracy or math of the emperor’s scorecard! On the very first hole took nine strokes to put his ball in the cup but he gave himself a three! Then he proudly declared that he had just made par on his very first hole ever!
The Logic of the Trinity Prevailed
Some golfers argued that Constantine’s counting was faulty but he silenced them with indisputable trinitarian logic! The emperor proclaimed that three strokes in play equaled one stroke in scoring! He said there was no difference between three strokes playing and one stroke scoring since they were all of the same essence. Therefore his nine strokes were actually just three strokes and did anyone want to argue about it? It’s pretty hard to argue with that kind of logic! A unitary score subsists in a plurality of strokes and these must not be confounded or distinguished. It was all very reminiscent of the arguments that held sway in Nicea.
What is the Meaning of One?
Some players foolishly insisted that one stroke equals one stroke and that the meaning of one is simply one. Not surprisingly this caused them to be banned from play and their scorecards were burned and taken out of circulation. Those who persisted in their contrary ways were removed from the course and never seen again. Players who wisely supported the emperor were hailed as true champions of golf and also enjoyed imperial favor.
The Golfer’s Creed
“Multiple strokes in essence equal single strokes in scoring and the final score is thus a true and single score. Those who would play golf must first acknowledge that this is the only true and orthodox rule.” This statement was formally approved by Emperor Constantine himself and became became known as the golfer’s creed! Many believe this explains why it is so important to keep a close eye on other players. The Golfers’ Creed created much uncertainty and debate about how a plurality of actual strokes could somehow equal a single scoring stroke. Ultimately, most people accepted the fact that just because words are supposed to have meaning doesn’t mean that they mean what they mean at all! That was the beauty of the golfer’s creed!
Confusion Owned the Day
Later in the day a great deal of confusion arose over the meaning of the word four, or as some prefer, fore. Inevitably this raised the question of when or even if, it is ever proper to shout “fore” after hitting a bad ball. Misunderstandings over words and ideas began to multiply and some proclaimed that confusion owned the day. Debate also raged over whether an eagle should be considered a birdie or some other type of fowl. Some questioned if it is legal to use a putter to gently move the ball toward the hole or is the time-honored foot nudge the only acceptable method?
The Blind Were Leading the Blind
By the end of the day it became clear that the “blind were leading the blind” and no one was any the better for it! The Church Fathers were “ever golfing but never coming to a knowledge of the game” (see II Timothy 3:7). All in all though, it had been a fine day on the golf course and at least everyone got plenty of fresh air and sunshine.
PS: Once you begin to grasp the implications of Trinitarian Logic lots of things begin to make sense! Even if its peculiar reasoning doesn’t make any sense at all we can still have some fun with it. May God Bless us all, each and every one.
Copyright 2021 by Bob Shutes